All I need – 12 –

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Story: All I need
Chapter: 12

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Damon

Sleeping is not absolutely necessary when having fed on enough human blood. I hadn’t felt the need of rest when I’d returned home last morning – and yet I found myself waking up from deep sleep some time in the early afternoon. At first I was puzzled … and then found myself feeling a certain satisfactory relief I couldn’t quite explain. Maybe it was that I didn’t feel – or at least all the confusion had gone, as well as the uneasiness. What I did feel was complacent – and a lot more like me than I had for a few weeks.
Nevertheless, getting out of my room buttoning up my deep black shirt was a déjà-vu, and I couldn’t help but grin slyly. So she hadn’t left after all, the obligatory look down the gallery told me. However, I didn’t get much further than opening my mouth for saying her name – when she turned around her face was pale; she looked very exhausted and seemed uncomfortable. Damn it, I thought, not sure whether I cursed the twinge of regret that flamed up inside me or the fact that it wasn’t Katherine sitting down there.

“What ghost have you seen?” I asked while I entered the living room in the regular fashion, not like this morning when I had taken a leap down from the gallery. I had apparently adapted a totally wrong tone; Elena’s expression was something in between hurt, completely unbelieving and appalled when she looked at me, but she didn’t answer. “I’m sorry” I muttered, and I actually meant it. “What’s wrong with you?”
“That’s actually a very good question, Damon” I suddenly heard my brother say irately,
I flung around and looked at him questioningly. “Hello, Stefan.” I said crossly, provoked by the fact that we were obviously back on unfriendly terms again, though maybe last night’s event had simply made me insensitive to the peace that had eventually been restored – at least until now. “Good to see you back home.” I flashed a devilish smile. “I assume you had something like a close encounter of the third kind yesterday as well?”
“Stop the games, Damon. I mean it: What the hell are you doing?”
“And what the hell are you talking about?!”
Elena thrust a piece of paper into my hands without any words. I took it and skimmed through the text – a young couple had been found dead on some remote street somewhere in the middle of nowhere, but apparently close enough to Mystic Falls to make it into the local newspaper – or had, at least from my point of view, only made it there because of the striking similarity to certain ‘attacks’ here. Damn it, I thought for the second time today, and this time I did curse the twinge of regret that pulsated through me, reminding me painfully of the events that had lead to the killing in the first place. I couldn’t even look at Elena’s face when I pointedly placed the piece of paper on the table in front of her and went to the sideboard which had the drinks on it. “This is ridiculous.” I said between my teeth, pouring me a drink. The bliss I had felt just two minutes ago had vanished into thin air.

“I wouldn’t call it ridiculous, Damon. I’d rather call it totally stupid.” Stefan said disapprovingly, and just in this moment I seriously wanted him gone.
“Yeah, so now that all of the other vampires are gone, let’s just blame the heartless brother, right?!” I said ironically, and instantly felt Elena’s eyes on me. She didn’t say anything. – In fact, nobody said anything for a while.
“Is there another vampire that could have done it?” Elena asked after a while, her voice calm, and sounding very exhausted.
“What the hell do I know?!” I snapped despite myself, knowing exactly that my reaction had given everything away everything already. Elena looked to the ground and remained silent.
“Not any we know of.” Stefan answered her, forcing himself to sound gentle when answering her. “Unless we count Katherine, of course.” The triumph in his voice was unmistakable.
“Katherine doesn’t have anything to do with it!” I cut him off before he could say anything else, and, only half succeeding in subduing my anger, decided that I hadn’t done anything he could naturally blame me for, I said: “It’s not even in Mystic Falls. They’re not even from here. It’s no big deal.”
“You’ve killed them, Damon.”
“Yes I’ve killed them. It’s my nature, remember? What are you going to do, expose me to the Secret Council and let them burn me down like the rest of the tomb vampires?! Should have left me down there the other night, don’t you think?”
“Damon.” Elena’s voice sounded imploringly, literally forcing me to look at her. “Why did you kill these people?”

Regret welled up inside of me again, not only stinging, but searing right now, and the memories of last night threatened to come back into my mind again, but I shrugged off the feeling, again only halfway successful, drained another glass and then said:
”I didn’t plan to.”
From the corner of my eye, I saw that Stefan was about to say something, but I cut him off before he could even start to speak: “Don’t lecture me, Stefan, I don’t want to hear it! I’m sick of all that holier-than-thou-art-talk, so listen up:
I killed somebody. I did what I’ve done for the last century and I’m not going justify every move I make in front of you. I chose another way of life, whether you like it or not – come to terms with it!”
Surprisingly, he looked directly into my eyes for a moment, and between gritted teeth, he said: “Fine.”
“Good.” I answered, even though I was surprised that he gave in. The peace was make-belief. “I’m not going to say anything about that. – Your choice. I was just going to remind you of…”
I cut him off again, rolling my eyes at him. “Of what: Bonnie? I’m not afraid of witches, Stefan, and she doesn’t have any right to act like some high court of justice.”
“Stop talking about her like that, please. She’s…”
“Your friend, Elena? Was that what you were going to say? Your friend has threatened open war against me and Stefan.” I stated spitefully. “You should know better than calling her your friend.”
Elena shook her head and looked down yet again, avoiding my eyes whenever I glanced into her direction. Stefan just stood there, his arms folded in front of his chest, and he wore the disapproving expression that provoked me so easily.
“So was it that you came here for? Accusing the delinquent?” I overemphasised the last words, impatient with the whole situation. Stefan and Elena exchanged a short glance, and I saw Stefan nod shortly.
“We need to talk about Katherine, Damon.” Elena said tonelessly, and still without looking up to me.
“Oh, do we?” I smiled involuntarily, but my brother’s annoyed answer erased that smile within a split second:
“Yes, Damon. Urgently”
“Now look at that”, I sneered. “You’ve prided yourself for years on the fact Katherine doesn’t matter to you anymore,” I continued, “and now as soon she reappears again you want to discuss her with me? I don’t think I’m interested.”
“Are you for real, Damon?” Elena asked disbelievingly, and even though I did know better, I shrugged and asked:
“What? There’s never been anything in the world urgent enough to make me talk about Katherine with him again. – And there won’t ever be anything. The issue’s over for me.”
The next thing that happened was that Elena slapped me once, but fiercely, in the face.
“HEY, what the HELL?!” I called out, so taken aback that I didn’t even feel angry about it. The move would have probably even made me laugh, but the hard expression in her eyes strangled even the idea of it.
“Sometimes you’re such a complete dick, you know?!” She didn’t even raise her voice when she said it – she just sounded completely cold and detached.

I felt myself at a complete loss of words and, because I couldn’t think of anything else, asked:
“Where are you going?!”
“Upstairs.” She was already half standing in the hallway and turned around to me to shoot me a contemptuous look.
“Elena…” I heard Stefan say, but she just shook her head. “Give me a rest, please.” She said, “I understand that the two of you might have a few things to discuss, but I’m sick of all this fighting about Katherine and each of you blaming the other for whatever’s on your mind, so please, just settle this amongst yourselves. Oh, and Damon?” She faced me again, furiously, but also sounding very hurt: “Welcome back to being offhandedly smug. I can’t believe that all the things you said last night made me think you’d finally gotten over this – well I guess thanks for misleading me. If the person who told me that they cared about me, and trusted me, and wanted it to be real between us is back, let me know. Until then I don’t think I need your help.”
For a moment I could just look at her in disbelief, seriously dumbstruck for any sort of reply. The feeling I choked now was that of being actually hurt. I was not going to let her hurt me, I decided, adopted a faint smile and turned around to leave the room – I needed blood.
What she’d just said did hurt. Profoundly.

Suddenly Stefan was in front of me in the hallway downstairs, holding me against the wall with his hand on my throat. I was too surprised to fight back. “Listen to me, Damon” he said crossly, and I was surprised at his strength. “I’m telling you this as your brother, even though you couldn’t care less about that concept. Elena cares for you a lot and I hate it, but this is not my call to make because I trust her, and I love her, and she can make her own decisions. I don’t know what happened between you two last night and something tells me that I better never find out, but let me tell you one thing: she’s terribly upset with the whole thing and you’ve just crossed a line that’s one step too far, even for you. So just in case there’s so much as an inch of you true to what she just said about your feelings for her, and if that tiny little piece of you that cares does so because it’s real, not because it’s fun to piss me off or because you promised me an eternity of misery, then you better go after her and fix this. – Now!”

I pushed him away from me and looked at him, for a moment considering what I was going to do next. Then I just said: “What, so that you can have a go at me again afterwards because your worst nightmares have come true and your despicable, scrupulous brother fell for your girl again?! Thanks, but no thanks, Stefan, because you know what? – That’s not your call to make either. My emotions are none of your business – so get the hell over yourself and accept the fact that you’re not the only one in the world who knows what true feelings are. You’re not the one who invented them, and I’m repeating this now for the last time: stop your constant holier-than-thou-art bullshit, or at least finally leave me alone with it! And now you better back off because I need to feed and for the sake of your girlfriend and her ridiculous little witch-friend I do not plan to attack somebody today, so consider yourself lucky you started our personal little blood bank some time ago!”

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[Chapter 13]

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All I need – 11 –

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Story: All I need
Chapter: 11

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Stefan

I knew, and I also knew that I could absolutely trust her… but I still felt uncomfortable with what she’d told me before – or rather what she had not told me, because whatever had taken place between her and Damon seriously seemed to upset her a lot more than she wanted to admit, and I couldn’t bring myself to understand what all of this could be about that she wouldn’t tell me. Despite all the changes I’d seen in him, especially within the last weeks, I still didn’t entirely trust Damon … especially not with Elena. Even worse so, she apparently hadn’t even worn her necklace while he’d been here last night. Only that by now, I didn’t have the slightest idea what he could be about to do. It had been clear that he evaded the subject overly careful. His reactions to whenever I tried to talk to him about it were unnaturally defensive, even for him. And now with how Katherine had threatened me to get to Elena with Damon’s help, I suddenly couldn’t tell anymore which side he would be on after all of this.
Nevertheless, a part of me was almost relieved that I hadn’t been the only one to meet Katherine, and that Elena already seemed to have an idea of what was happening.
What I didn’t understand was why Katherine had threatened me in the first place, if she had access to the house anyway. Whatever reasons she had, there was absolutely no way to make sure that she wouldn’t take advantage of that – if she hadn’t already.
Nevertheless, a part of me was almost relieved that I hadn’t been the only one to meet Katherine, and that Elena already seemed to have an idea of what was happening.
“What is it, Stefan?” Elena suddenly interrupted my train of thought, apparently confused by my silence.
“I was trying to understand what Katherine is trying to achieve…” I answered, and now Elena was the one who didn’t understand.
“Damon isn’t the only one who has talked to Katherine” I then said, and she looked at me in surprise.
“So … you have met her?” She sounded as if she had expected it all along.
“Yes.” Her facial expression confused me. “…what’s wrong?”
“Damon said something along those lines.” Elena answered. “Or, well, he said, you weren’t sure yet.”
Only then it appeared to me: he had known already, but he hadn’t told me when I’d mentioned my weird first encounter with Katherine and all Damon had said was something very typical like ‘As if I cared…’. Damn you, Damon, I thought.
“See, that’s why I don’t trust him.” I said angrily, and Elena looked at me in surprise. “…what?”
I told her what I had seen – that, for the first time she’d only appeared for a short moment and had then been gone again, and that she’d confronted me yesterday, after all. I also told her that I’d asked Damon about it, but that he hadn’t shown any interest at all.
Elena sighed, but didn’t say anything else at first. Then she asked: “Well, what … was she like?”
I didn’t quite understand the question, but still answered:
“She … looked like you.” Elena raised her eyebrows, looking a little annoyed at the reminder. “The way she dresses …” I continued. “Actually it all looked very intentional – as if she’s up to playing with it, really. But apart from that, she was … being herself, acting very superior and arrogant. She hasn’t changed a bit … actually I think she’s become a lot more selfish over the years, but I don’t know.”
She gave a sigh. “And what did she want?” Elena asked then. I looked at her seriously, and then answered her question.
“She wants to meet you.”
There was a silence, and then Elena simply laughed helplessly at my response. I could only imagine what all of this must feel for her: in addition to all that had happened anyways, the most recent run of events didn’t really help at all and she was clearly at a loss.
“What would she want from me, Stefan?” Elena suddenly asked.
“I don’t know.” I said truthfully. “She’s fascinated by you because you look alike.”
She laughed again, but this time she sounded absolutely cynical. “Because we look alike!?” Elena repeated unbelievingly, “Is she for real?!”
“I don’t know what she’s up to.” I answered, “But what I don’t understand is that she lets herself be invited into your house at first and then tells me that she’s going to see you – be it with my help or Damon’s.”
Elena thought for a moment. “Did she set any conditions?”
“If you’re not going to introduce me to her, then I’m sure your brother Damon will.” I quoted, “That’s all she said.”
“Honestly said all of that sounds a lot like Isobel to me.” Elena said angrily, “Keeping herself hidden for a while and then showing up and suddenly wanting to see … me… obviously.”
She paused, and then something seemed to come to her mind. “Wait!” she called out, “Isobel!”
I made the connection the moment she mentioned her. “Do you think she or John could have something to do with it?”
Elena nodded. “Not Isobel… – but John disappeared that night.” She explained, “Without leaving a message, and having been out of reach ever since. What if Katherine has seen to that?”
I nodded carefully. It did make sense. “But that doesn’t explain why she wants to see you.”
“No” Elena answered. “But that’s why she needed to be invited in. – To get rid of John.”
“That doesn’t make your home any safer, Elena.” I pointed out. “She could still get in and out whenever she wants to.”
Elena looked at me reproachfully. “That’s very encouraging, thank you…” – I smiled apologetically and drew her close to me and kissed her again, holding her face in my hands. “I’m sorry about that.”
“I know”, she sighed. “You’re probably right anyways. But still… am I ever going to be safe?”
“I won’t let anything happen to you – you know that, don’t you?”
Elena leaned against my chest and put her arms around me. “What are we going to do?”
“I suppose we’ll first have to speak with Damon.” I sighed, even though I did not really want to see him right now. Elena nodded, but put her head back against my shoulder again.
I tried to sort out my feelings while I softly stroked over her hair: I really was angry with Damon for upsetting Elena, and uncomfortable with her obviously keeping something from me. The fact that I had kept a lot from her had almost ended our relationship before it at actually started, and now Elena was the one who obviously had a secret – and it bothered me that it was concerned with Damon. It wasn’t any news for me that he’d fallen in love with her, I’d thought about that a million times, especially within the last weeks, but the fact that he had probably really told her about it did make me mistrust the whole situation. If he could actually be moved to share his emotion, then it really had to mean something, I knew him that well. So even though on the one hand he’d probably made an important step away from his obnoxious emotional coldness and trust-issues… – I had said it countless times, but I was not going to accept the fact that history was going to repeat itself. But right now it seemed that I at least had to live with the fact that a part of the story was on repeat already. Even though I knew that Elena wasn’t actually choosing between us, it was clear to see that the balance act she had to put up with in order to be both my girlfriend and Damon’s friend at the same time was exhausting for her – and I knew that I wasn’t helping very much at the moment. I did not even want to fight with him… but I felt unable to trust him either.
“Let’s go” Elena suddenly said, already getting up and holding out her hand for me to take it.
– And so, a little bit later, I arrived at home without actually wanting to be there, and I already felt that at least today’s conversation wouldn’t bring us anywhere, because I was edgy already now, without even having seen Damon. The piece of paper we found on the living room table settled it.

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[Chapter 12]

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All I need – 10 –

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Story: All I need
Chapter: 10

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Stefan

There was nothing I could say. The complete blank in my head didn’t allow me to think straight, to think at all. I could just sit there and stare without really seeing anything until I felt Elena’s hand on my cheek, turning my head slightly. Elena kissed me softly, but it felt sort of hopeless. “How did…” I interrupted myself to clear my throat, and then asked again:
“How did Damon find out?”
I felt Elena grow tense, just for an instant, and she dropped her hand. Then she seemed to relax again. “He’s talked to her.” She said, “Or at least that’s what he told me.”
I had never mistrusted her, but her voice sounded odd when she said it, and evasive again, just like before when she’d told me – or not told me – about her discussion with Damon. I looked into her eyes beseechingly. “You’re telling me the truth, aren’t you, Elena?”
She sighed and drew me closer again. “Listen, Stefan…”

Elena
I had no idea where to start. But I knew that we had to face this right now, and that I couldn’t lie to him. Suddenly I felt very tired again, exhausted not only from the troublesome night, but generally with everything. Speaking with Damon would probably cause further complication – I was sure he wasn’t going to tell Stefan what had happened last night, but I didn’t want to keep the kiss a secret. It didn’t change anything for me, but it was still something I was not going to keep from Stefan. Apart from that, there weren’t many options we had when it came to keeping Katherine from getting into my house: Stefan and Damon had killed the last Vampire that had had access to my house, and I was very sure that Damon would never agree to that… and when I was being honest to myself, I wasn’t even sure that Stefan would. I did not know what effect Katherine’s return would have on either Damon or Stefan. For now, it seemed like it didn’t have much of an effect on either of them, but I didn’t know what Katherine was able to do, and I was sure that the previous encounters wouldn’t remain the only ones. Stefan had said that she’d seemed to be bent on deliberate confusion, and she’d already passed herself off as me and had even managed to make Damon – out of all people! – believe her.
In any case, there would be a lot of problems coming up because of Katherine, I was sure of that, but if we wanted to succeed – whatever that meant – we couldn’t get there with each of us mistrusting the other. I sighed, believing to have found the right words, at last, and said:
“I meant what I said the other day, you know? Damon is my friend, Stefan, and I care for him. He said a lot of things last night and repeating everything in front of you without letting him know, or without having talked to him again … I’m not that kind of person, Stefan. I’m not lying to you, but I cannot lie to him either. He trusts me… and you’ve made it all pretty clear that Damon trusting anybody basically doesn’t happen.”
– I had put it the wrong way. Stefan looked at me uncomprehendingly, but then he said, very matter-of-factly:
”So Isobel was right. He’s in love with you.”
The moment he said it, something came to my mind – something I had to remember. ‘Even if it doesn’t mean anything…’, but there it ended.
I made a helpless gesture. “He didn’t put it this way.” The memory came up again. – Even if it doesn’t mean anything.
“But even if…” I continued, “It doesn’t change anything for me, Stefan. You know that. Don’t you?”
He remained silent for a moment. “I know…” he said, leaning in to me. “It’s just … it’s not you I’m not trusting, it’s him.”
“We’ve had this discussion.” I said softly and kissed him. “And I understand that it’s hard for you to accept, but I need you to trust me with it, you know? We cannot start working against one another because we’re mistrusting each other.”
Stefan nodded, but still looked a little discontent. Then he sighed. “You’re probably right” He admitted. We kissed, but I knew that we weren’t at the end of the discussion, and probably wouldn’t be any time soon.
“I love you” he whispered against my lips, “so much…”
“I love you, too, Stefan.” I answered, “Without any doubt.”

♦◊♦

[Chapter 11]

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